We're not friends, we just share a planet! Sharing space with kindness..

I remember a time when I was working in the schools, I sat in the back of a classroom listening to a teacher lecture the class on all getting along because they were all friends. I couldn't have disagreed with her more! While, I understood the meaning of her message her delivery didn't sit well with me. Her class as a whole had been exhibiting negative behaviors which had begun to impact academic lessons. Something needed to be done but telling children they must be friends with everyone wasn’t the answer.

According to Merriam Webster a friend is: a person included in a list of one's designated connections. Connections is the key word in that definition. Friendships are built on shared interests. People who share similar interests are more likely to become friends. This is because they have something to talk about and can relate to each other on a deeper level. For example, two people who both enjoy hiking are more likely to become friends than two people who do not share that interest.

Instead of insisting that everyone has to be friends all the time, we need to teach children the importance of sharing space. Sharing space means being kind to everyone, even if they don't want to be friends with them.

One way to explain this is with The Friendship Pyramid. This pyramid was first discussed by Michelle Garcia-Winner in her Social Thinking curriculum. My adaptation below simplifies the levels to introduce the concept of sharing space versus friendship.

Sharing Space is the biggest because we categorize the most people in this section. We share space with classmates, customers at the grocery store, people in a movie theater, and the people sitting near us in our favorite coffee shop. Interactions in this category require us to smile, wave, and exchange kind words.

The bonded friends section gets smaller because these are a group of people who share liked interests and engage in activities together outside of school or work. Some examples may be people in our book club or people we sit with at lunch. These people tend to know more about each other and check on each other regularly.

The smallest section of the pyramid is for close friends. Sometimes people may have one person in this top tier, while others may have two or three. These people are the ones you call when you have a problem or exciting news to share. They are the ones who you trust and enjoy their company.

Overall we need to recognize that telling kids they have to be friends with everyone is not a realistic or healthy expectation. It is important to teach children the importance of being kind to everyone, even if they don't want to be friends with them. The biggest lesson we can teach children is to explain that sharing space is sometimes necessary. It may be hard but if we could all kindly share space a little better, we would have a lot less heartache in this world.